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What does 'Qati' mean, exactly? Is that Japanese or just a randomly typed word? [06 Feb 2004|12:19pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

Story or Series Title: Spirited Afar
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Arika Phantomess
Summary: Finished! Spirited Away with my own two characters. Yes, I know this is a self- insertion, but these are my specialty. Please Review.

Insert snarky comment of choice.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Tokonoma Ogino; Qati at Aburaya
Full Species(es): Older Sister Clone-Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Black
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not described
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Not described
Special Possessions (if any): "...a single rose, from a boyfriend I didn't really like and was more than happy to have dumped on account of moving away from town, and she was complaining about squashing her bouquet. He had been nice though, there were times when I almost liked him, and he was rich and bought me anything that had to do with roses and was silver, like the dangly- earrings, necklace, the rings, toe ring, the post- earrings, clothes, watch, scrunchie, comb, high- heels and diary. I was wearing the first pair of dangly- earrings, heels, a skirt and blouse from the clothes pile, necklace, rings, watch and the scrunchie. The diary fit into the belt I wore, and the comb was in a small, water- proof pouch, along with my money, at my side. The blouse was a red peasant- blouse, the skirt matched as well as the high- heel- sandals. I even painted my nails red. Everything was well worn, and cotton, and the heels weren't high at all..." Like - we - care. Also, she has her very own boyfriend in the spirit world: Hishen/Mashento, a tree phoenix. What the hell? Granted, I'm an ignorant Westerner, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't work out in Asian mythology.

Annoying Origin: She and Chihiro both cross over into Aburaya; after going through the exact same sequence of events that Chihiro went through, only Tokonoma has a sexay phoenix boy help her (after which they stare with great desire at one another, provoking me into beating my head against the table).
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Chihiro's older, beautiful, attractive older sister.
Annoying Special Abilities: She can do everything Chihiro does, and proceeds to do so. Her only saving grace is that she doesn't steal Chihiro's role - she just copies it. (Well, until they get to Zeniba's, when Tokonoma seems to be more important.) I feel lenient just because she didn't attempt to seduce Haku.
Other Annoying Traits: She's not just content with being Chihiro's sister, she also has to rip-off Chihiro's bond with Haku and have a desperate childhood love for Hishen/Mashento.

Love - of God. Pun not intended.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Oh the burning passion of it all.Collapse )

I'm glad you can freely admit it.Collapse )

What the heck does 'Qati' mean anyway?Collapse )

The grammar and spelling are both very, very good - but c'mon. Even the author says this is a self-insert, and it's not like she did anything to try and hide it.

EDIT: Can't believe I forgot this - Tokonoma's nickname for Chihiro is Chichi. I'm sure that was a stroke of brilliance.

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 4/6

8 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

*twitch* [05 Feb 2004|03:00pm]
[ mood | irate ]

This one is really nothing more than a very short first chapter, so I feel a bit guilty. Well, until I reread the part where Haku is Satan.

Story or Series Title: A Fallen Angel's Fate, Destiny, And Desire
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Rain Spirit
Summary: A Devil and a Fallen-Angel meets, what will happen? PLEASE R&R Overlooking the grammatical typo, knowing this genre I'd have to say 'horrific kinky evil sex' is what will happen.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Master Haku, Ruler of Hell. Please, feel free to do a spit-take right about now.
Full Species(es): Demonic Bastard "Canon" Stu
Hair Color (include adjectives): "...dark green hair down to his shoulder..."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "...same eye colour [as his hair]..."
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "...the perfect face of a devil, cold yet handsome in a way..." Is this the same Haku here?
Special Possessions (if any): All of the underworld, including Fallen-Angels, evil souls, and the futile tears of my faith in fanfiction.

Annoying Origin: He's Satan. Just - it's Haku. I can't be the only who finds it simultaneously hilarious and deeply depressing that the writer can equate Haku to Lucifer.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Supposedly an 'AU' Haku. Will shack up with a Fallen-Angel Chihiro who, apparently, was flirting (unintentionally) with a prince in heaven. Chihiro was flirting with Jesus? I feel sacrilegious.
Annoying Special Abilities: To be a sophisticated evil bastard, and yet be torn by the incredible beauty that Chihiro possesses. Will someone reference these writers to theboyharuka's excellent bit on Haku, Chihiro, and beautiful women? It's here.
Other Annoying Traits: He's teh ebil!

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Beat me with a stick.Collapse )

The disclaimer.Collapse )

This has been covered elsewhere by people far more esteemable than me, but what the heck are you doing writing an alternate universe with the characters knowingly OUT of character? Just stop. Leave the fandom alone and go write your own fiction.

This fic annoyed the hell out of me. Haku and Chihiro are both dangerously out of character, the sentences read rather awkwardly in many places, the plot is both cliché and apparently "inspired" by a novel she read a few months ago, and sweet jumpin' jelly beans, what in God's name inspired her to have Haku be SATAN?

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 4/6

4 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

Fly, Haku! Fly away! [04 Feb 2004|04:15pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Again with the 'angsty goth-ness is cool'? Geez.

Story or Series Title: My Midnight Sanctuary
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Azriel Dragonstar
Summary: Rating may change. Haku struggles to unravel the mystery of the new girl who seems a reflection of his life before! SUSPENSE! HORROR! INTRIGUE! ROMANCE! Applaud my originality. H/OC, C/OC.

Good Lord.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Iro (Aburaya name)
Full Species(es): Snarky Just-Like-You Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): "She had medium-length obsidian black hair, a bit longer than his, and it was pulled back into a loose ponytail..." As an Elemental Dragon, "...[t]he fluffy hair that ran along the middle of its back from head to tail was jet black and silky..."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "Her eyes were green as well--lime green, not that ridiculous florescent hue that humans had come up with, but the blackish green that real limes are..." As an Elemental Dragon, black-green.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None described, though as a dragon she has "...scales...[that are] bright green with a tint of gold..."
Special Possessions (if any): The same rank as Haku, even though she has just arrived (and has apparently pissed Yubaba off).

Annoying Origin: We don't know, because she's a mystery! Apparently, though, she's someone from Haku's past that he cannot recall, and has some sort of leverage over Yubaba. Because, y'know, it wasn't like Chihiro was important or anything.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Haku's love interest and, as previously mentioned, she has something over Yubaba.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to bitch out Haku (or, considering how he acts in this fic, out bitch him), push him around, and then seduce him as a dragon.
Other Annoying Traits: She's mysterious! And beautiful! And bitchy! She's so kewl! (My sincerest apologies to Impulse for the snarky usage of his word.)

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Who needs a healthy atmosphere with coworkers anyway?Collapse )

Gasp! Plot-twist? Or plot-stealing?Collapse )

Grammar and spelling are admirable, and Haku's characterization wasn't terrible, just exasperating. Really, Iro needs to be slapped a few times: she's whiny, bratty, angsty, and an overall annoyance. The majority of my friends are either goths or nerds, and I can assure you, Miss 'Dragonstar,' that none of them act like these whiny, aggravating bastardizations of social identity.

Not to mention she's not content with replacing Chihiro, she apparently also has to replace Haku in the Aburaya heirarchy.

But if Haku isn't Yubaba's apprentice anymore -- run, Haku! Be free, little rivergod!

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 3/6

5 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

Baby Cthulhu weeps for decent literature. [03 Feb 2004|01:05pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I'm sixteen and I've never been half as bitchy as this girl is in four short paragraphs.

Story or Series Title: Spirited Away: Trials
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: kossmoe
Summary: CH 3+4 UP!! Chihiro committed suicide in the Ohaku river to be with Haku forever. However, a dark creature counteracts that, and holds Chihiro prisoner. With her parents captured as well, the only hope for the family is Chihiro's younger sister, Kiutsu.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Kiutsu Ogino
Full Species(es): Younger Sibling Hero Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not described (heavily implied through dialogue that it looks like Chihiro's)
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not described (see above)
Unusual Markings/Colorations: She has porcelain skin. What the hell? Again, has anyone here seen anything that could be consider 'porcelain skin' in the Ogino family?
Special Possessions (if any): An "iced-nitrogen heart" and her very own dragon-boy.

Annoying Origin: She's Chihiro's eleven-year old sister, who acts like an immensely selfish teenager. She angsts, contemplates suicide, and somehow manages to get into Aburaya by tripping while crossing a river. It's a stream. Know the difference.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Chihiro's younger sister. Aw, look Kiutsu, you made Baby Cthulhu cry again.
Annoying Special Abilities: To angst, change dispositions in a heartbeat, angst, be moody, angst, and do everything Chihiro did. "But it's original 'cause it's an original character!" No, she's doing everything Chihiro did. That is not original.
Other Annoying Traits: She's so brilliantly sarcastic and witty!

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Teh angst!Collapse )

Nike: official sponsor of the spirit world!Collapse )

The grammar and spelling are rather good, I'll certainly (and happily) admit that. The problem is that while I think the basic concept had merit, it didn't turn out terribly good, in large part because of the annoyance that is Kiutsu and the lack of any focus on the basic concept. The entire fic - except for two small parts - is centered around Kiutsu and her (remarkably familiar) adventure to Aburaya. That she even has her own dragon boy is the kicker, though he has no personality outside of Helpful Guy.

I feel bad for Tai.

The writer states that this is sixteen years after Chihiro was at Aburaya, but her death (according to the fic) is in 2014; considering SA takes place in 2001, that would be thirteen years. Meh? But I'm nitpicking.

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 4/6

12 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

OMG shez soo0o punk!!!1!! [02 Feb 2004|06:14pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Not a single comment last time? Work up some outrage, people. ;]

Oh hell. Not another punk fic. Though I am, indeed, a geek, I think I can safely say real punks - and goths - would be offended by this sort of horrible misrepresentation.

Story or Series Title: A Punk and the Shy
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: kawaiilillaznkitsune
Summary: Loranne and her family come to the spirit world. Parents truned into pigs, how will they survive? And what if Loranne runs away for awhile only to come back with Chihiro? I cannot stress how much I LOATHE fics that recycle the canon in an attempt to appeal to readers. Please, just try for originality.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Loranne (no idea what purpose Monique has)
Full Species(es): Soft-Hearted Punk Sue/Replacement Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Short hair
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not described
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Not described
Special Possessions (if any): A mini-stereo, a hoodie, and kewl new Aburaya name!!

She's so punk!

Annoying Origin: Loranne is not only a thirteen-year old American punk, she and her family just happen to be touring in Japan and, via a picnic table with burgers on it, cross into the spirit world. Shoot me now.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Irritates Yubaba with Good Charlotte music, befriends poor lonely Haku, and strives to bring Chihiro and Haku back together isn't it sweet?
Annoying Special Abilities: Does everything Chihiro did, only with greater ease, and can apparently cross language barriers easy as pie.
Other Annoying Traits: Just read it. Please.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Being a geek, I really can't say if Good Charlotte is categorically 'punk.'Collapse )

Ow.Collapse )

This one is just overflowing with clichés: random song lyrics, mystical abilities to speak Japanese (or the Japanese now speak English, either one), and apparently believes she is a punk. Rather, I think the proper word is 'annoying.'

Can't rant. Too tired. Sentence fragments.

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 3/6

15 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

I'm weary of you, Sue! *slaps* [01 Feb 2004|10:05am]
[ mood | cranky ]

Story or Series Title: Spirited Away, Haku and Chihiro's first sight...
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Juggalo Son Pan
Summary: Its been 8 years scince Chihiro had seen Haku, she misses him so much, but one day, Chihiro and her new friends, Fiona, Kyle, Link and Leighlah go on a camping trip up a mountain, Chihiro is lonley and sad...she walks away and finds...* UPDATED* ^o^

Full Name (plus titles if any): Chihiro Ogino
Full Species(es): Angsteh Needy Canon Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): "Chihiro looks as she always has, only more matured in the face and has grown in everyway..."
Eye Color (include adjectives): See above
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None described
Special Possessions (if any): "...a red spaghetti strap top and dark denium guys jeans...," the hairtie given to her at Swamp Bottom, a group of Sue/Stu friends (including a Saiyajin! The hell?) all with English names even though they're in Japan.

Annoying Origin: Chihiro longs for and angsts after Haku. Formulaic cliché, but it's also eight years after she was in Aburaya - methinks she wouldn't be half as desperate and sobbing-every-other-paragraph after eight years.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Supposed to be Chihiro.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can literally burst into tears every time she thinks of Haku.
Other Annoying Traits: She doesn't give a damn about her parents, apparently, because she's returning to Aburaya without a second thought of anyone other than her beloved Sue/Stu friends. Never mind the fact that the reason she worked at Aburaya in the first place was to rescue her parents.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Bad...grammar...HURTS!Collapse )

Argh! My squeedlyspooch!Collapse )

This one is just horrifically sappy/angsty/bad. The grammar hurts, much less the existence of Sue.

Look, I understand it was more or less confirmed that Haku and Chihiro love each other (whether it's romantic or what can be argued by the audience), but after eight years of not seeing someone, Chihiro feasibly should not be that disturbingly weepy. It's out of character for her and rather unrealistic (I should know; I'm an Air Force brat and we move quite a bit), generally. Some people can move on, some people can't. Chihiro's personality is such that she can move on and live successfully without Haku.

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 4/6

3 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

A mediocre Sue. *shrugs* Meh. [31 Jan 2004|12:00pm]
[ mood | bored ]

This one's really not that bad, just overwhelmingly melodramatic. Were there more than the one chapter, it would probably score a higher GFR.

Story or Series Title: Seven Days to Live
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Lily03
Summary: Chihiro's dying....with only seven days to live... (Return of the abused ellipses! This fic is kinder to them, though.)

Full Name (plus titles if any): Chihiro Ogino
Full Species(es): Disease-Ridden Canon Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not described
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not described
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Swollen legs (on occasion)
Special Possessions (if any): An unknown disease as well as a heart condition.

Annoying Origin: Had a heart attack at fourteen (which I know is possible, but this is where the Sue begins).
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Chihiro, but with a disease.
Annoying Special Abilities: To repeat herself in the narrative.
Other Annoying Traits: So horrifically melodramatic!

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

How can you be on the brick of something?Collapse )

Biggest complaints would have to be the grammar ("brick"?), the weakness of the story itself, and the cliché idea. If she had a beta-reader, odds on she could improve it beyond disease-of-the-week-cum-Lifetime-special.

Oh, and, once again, simplification of serious real-life matters.

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 2/6

6 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

"Call me princess!" --> *sporks* [30 Jan 2004|02:43pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Another princess fic. I wish I was joking.

There are about five 'Princess Chihiro' fics, and every single one of them is horrible.

Story or Series Title: Finding Pleasure In The Enemy
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: KitKatGirl
Summary: Humans and SPirits are at war. what will happen when the human princess Chihiro is captured and given to the spirit prince Haku as a gift?

You know, someone has got to put a stop to that AU genre. It's plagued Inuyasha, it's plagued Sailormoon, it's plagued PotC (briefly), LotR (consistently), and nearly every popular series ever. I loathe it.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Chihiro "I'm A Bitchy Princess!" Ogino.
Full Species(es): Brave/Defiant Canon Sue (persecuted for her differences, of course)
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not described
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not described
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Will have a scar on her shoulder; has "milky" skin. Please refer to the canon and tell me if Chihiro has milky skin.
Special Possessions (if any): A fiery temper and a brave, unbreakable spirit to face the evils of the Genjotsu! Y'know, like all the other canon Sues out there in the 'slavery equals love' fics.

There's also another minor Sue in the form of Haku's "sister."

Annoying Origin: The princess of the humans, which apparently makes her special; captured by the Genjotsu and given to Haku, prince of the Genjotsu and apparently (as implied) a love-monkey.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Claims to be Chihiro. I'm sure.
Annoying Special Abilities: To face off dragons and bitch at them without quivering! Because we all know how easily Chihiro found it to be a bitch in the movie. </rolling>
Other Annoying Traits: To be the perfect example of a Defiant And Persecuted Sue as well as proof positive why some people should not attempt to write AUs.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Shez so brave letz adore hr!!!11! Or, why this AU genre makes me froth at the mouth.Collapse )

You know this is leading up to rape/sex/bad smut, as per all the other 'enslaved princess given to enemy prince' fics that have preceded this one.

Granted, I can't really speak from personal experience as to what politics would be like in a war between spirits and humans, but knowing what I do about historical (and current) politics, as well as the clichés that riddle this 'slave=wuff" genre (all of which entail a girl being captured, given to the prince and/or his righthand man, and they screw/rape/etc. until she falls in love), I'm not entirely sure this is logical. I swear it's headed for pointless, graphic sex.

Unsurprisingly, the author's notes take up a third of the entire first chapter, which is also the only chapter considering it hasn't been updated since May 18 of '03. Also unsurprising, knowing the willingness of fandom to read badfic with clichés and Canon Sues (since people apparently believe that because it's a canon character acting Sue-ish, they couldn't possibly be a Sue), she has seventy-six reviews begging her to continue.

*sporks fic savagely*

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 5/6 - or 6/6. I'm middling here; the grammar isn't terrible, though it does stumble, but the characterization, plot, and dialogue are all rather hideous.

[EDIT: Decided on 5/6, though I'm thinking that might have been too harsh. What a time to start shifting back to Good Cop.]

8 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

Optimus Prime could kick Sue's arse, no problem. [29 Jan 2004|08:21am]
[ mood | to Miyazaki ]

Someone once said the reason there are so many princesses in fanfiction is because all little girls want to be princesses. Call me weird, but when I was a little girl I wanted to be an Autobot. Optimus Prime kicked ARSE.

Story or Series Title: The Lost Princess
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Cecile Li
Summary: Chihiro's back after 7 years. But once she's back, she meets Sora. WHo IS Sora anyway? And what does she have to do with the Lost Princess of Sky?

I bet I can guess.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Sora (this makes the second Sue reported here whose name could conceivably have been ripped off from Digimon)
Full Species(es): Angsteh Perfect Princess Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): "...beautiful long brown-black hair that was tied with a knot..."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "...blue, bluer than the sky..."
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her face was heart-breakingly beautiful that looked forever magnificent, a picture lost in time..." and "...[h]er skin was paler than anyone’s [Chihiro] had seen..."
Special Possessions (if any): Samplers (of the sewing sort) and Haku's heart and soul.

Annoying Origin: And I quote - “I am … or was a sky dragon of the renowned Sky Kingdom. My father was the advisor of the king, so I was a noble and had access to the royal family. When I was 3, I was sent to be playmates with the Sky Princess, Shiroi Kanna, the white princess of the Sky court. I was Kanna’s best friend.

One day, when Kanna and I were both 16, Kanna fell ill. She was very sick, and was frightened she would die of this terrible malady. The king, Kanna’s concerned father, decided to ask the Shadow Demon, a strong and feared demon, for help.

“They struck a bargain that the demon would heal Kanna but have from her a kiss.” continued Sora, taking a bite of food between each sentence. “Kanna was healed, but at the end of the healing process, Kanna was a human! The king was outraged and was fearful for his daughter for a demon could take a human soul through mouth contact. He told me to take Kanna and escape."...

“When the Shadow Demon found out, his anger was great. He destroyed the Sky Kingdom looking for Kanna and I. I escaped with Kanna, but Kanna was a human baby!

I went all around the Spirit World for the opening to the Human World. I finally found it and brought Kanna into the Human World. I cried for her, but I knew I had to let her go into the Human World, for humans cannot survive in the Spirit World. I left and went to find Yubaba and Zeniba. When I found them, I found out that the Shadow Demon had been vanquished so that only an empty shell lived on. I also learned that the Shadow Demon’s followers were after me in revenge.

I seeked refuge in Yubaba’s bathhouse where I lived unfound. But, the night after you came, Haku discovered a demon around the bathhouse looking for me. We had to leave.

Ploy for audience sympathy? Check. I have to admit my sympathy is for the canon, though.

Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: She's Haku's one twu wuv, Zeniba likes her, and Yubaba likes to use her to kill abusive workers. I weep. No, really, I do.
Annoying Special Abilities: To outshine Chihiro, angst for an entire chapter, and be Utterly Perfect (as well as prove that Chihiro is an ungrateful wretch for not accepting the fact that Haku wuvs Sora and that Sora just wants to be friends).
Other Annoying Traits: OMG HER LYFE IZ SOOo SAD!!!!111

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

My eyes bleed.Collapse )

If anyone has the right to be teary-eyed, it sure as hell should just be Chihiro. I have no pity for you, Sue-beast.Collapse )

Formatting unchanged, by the by.

This is perfect formulaic Sue: she outshines the main character, has a tragic past, just wants to be friends, and has the enamored love of the leading male. No surprise that she has eighty-four reviews, and that several people react to the constructive reviews like Superman to kryptonite. ("OMG itz a flame!!!1 Gramer iz bad so go away u meanie!" - with my apologies to those I snark) Having been flamed in the past, I'm amused that so many people take honest to God pleasant concrit as flaming.

I swear to God I need to start a reference site for Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away, if only for my sanity.

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 4/6

27 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

Save me from this FIC. [28 Jan 2004|09:47am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Story or Series Title: Bring Me to Life
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: SlytherinDreams
Summary: Haku questions who he is and why Chihiro means soo much to him after saving her life yet again. *Suicide,Angst*

How many clichés can you spot?

Full Name (plus titles if any): Haku
Full Species(es): Angsteh Haku (and - you guessed it - suicidal Chihiro)
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not described
Eye Color (include adjectives): "...aqua eyes..."
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Not described
Special Possessions (if any): Not described - unless you count the fact that, apparently, him and his 'dragon' self are two separate entities, which violates continuity. I'll argue this, seriously.

Annoying Origin: Haku, but with a supernatural knowledge of American rock music.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: See above, and toss a good measure of bad angst on top of it.
Annoying Special Abilities: See all the above.
Other Annoying Traits: Every line of dialogue he speaks comes from the Evanescence song of the same name. EVERY. SINGLE. LINE.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Whee! OOC make good fic!Collapse )

Again with the trivializing of serious matters, people? Urgh.

I have a whole mess of complaints against the suicide scene, much less Haku's 'split' personas (they're the same damn person! er, god! *whaps*) and the lyrics. Good God, the lyrics in the dialogue! Throw in the fact that the author used imagery/symbolism ripped straight from the music video, and I'm annoyed.

If any of that was coherent on my part.

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 4/6

Tempted to make it 4/6 just for the lack of dialogue not ripped from Evanescence, but that would've just been mean.

[Edit: Fic is now at a GFR of 4/6 due to popular demand and further consideration.]

17 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

Death by ellipses! [27 Jan 2004|01:26pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Just finished watching Mononoke again - I love the metaphors. And the Ashitaka/San because, er, I'm a romantic.

Story or Series Title: the true emotions (not by Miyazaki's canon, that's for sure)
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Kittenofmystery
Summary: ummm yeah Chihiro is basicly just a little *ticked* off at this whole thing... so she handles it... her way

It says a lot about the American education system when a nineteen-year old can write something this painfully bad.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Chihiro "omgtehangst" Ogino
Full Species(es): "Canon" Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not described
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not described
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Does lengthy "metaphorical" description of Haku ripping her heart out count?
Special Possessions (if any): The bitter chains of abandoned love.

Annoying Origin: Haku never returns for Chihiro, so she angsts and spins poor metaphors. Heavy suicidal imagery, to boot.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Calls herself Chihiro, but yet again there is no plot, and nothing other than heinous exposition to explain how she gets where she is. Which is apparently on the verge of suicide or homicide; the fic is incoherent.
Annoying Special Abilities: To fill entire pages with ellipses. No, I kid you not.
Other Annoying Traits: She angsts, she longs, she's embittered - which could be done well, but isn't. She becomes an Embittered Angsteh Sue-ish figure.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Is it suicide? Endless ellipses? Committing suicide through endless ellipses?Collapse )

The concept - Haku never returning for Chihiro - is decent enough, if overused in the fandom (much like "Haku is in teh danger Cihiro must saave him!!!1" or vice versa), but the author's writing makes me cringe. The grammar is bad enough, without the irritating repetition, the awkward and poorly executed imagery, and the friggin' ellipses that interrupt every sentence.

Chihiro herself has become a cliché in this fic: the angsty, weepy, melodramatic (and prone to really, really bad imagery and prose) Sue who has lost true love and though she wishes to push it away, she simply can't.

I don't like people trivializing serious matters with badfic.

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 3/6

I'm feeling lenient after watching Mononoke. Anybody else have a differing rating for this piece?

11 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

[26 Jan 2004|11:13am]
[ mood | amused ]

Fun fact: did you know I read every single word of every single sentence in each chapter of the fics that come up here? I'll need new glasses soon.

Today I present the endless fable of Haku and his evil twin brother, Gary "Meiou" Stu. It's actually quite funny if you're taking certain prescription medicines. Please, wield your sporks at my mark.

Story Or Series Title: changes in life
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: misakililin
Summary: this story is adapted frm kohaku river anime princess-chihiro returns back to the spirit world and finds haku and his twin bro meiou

Full Name (plus titles if any): Meiou
Full Species(es): Brotherus bastardus [of the kingdom Stu]
Hair Color (include adjectives): "...his hair was black..."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "...the same alluring emerald green..." [as Haku]
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None described - but his soul is oh so villainously black.
Special Possessions (if any): None that I know of.

Annoying Origin: Created by Zeniba to be a kinder, gentler Haku (like the original was a raging lunatic </sarcasm>), after Zeniba took over Yubaba's bathhouse. The hell? What is with Yubaba leaving the bathhouse to someone else in fanfiction?
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Haku's artificially created twin brother. No idea how the hell that works out, but it's what the All Powerful Stu Writer hath decreed.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to warp everyone into a monstrous OOC version of themselves, violate canon, and trick Zeniba into thinking Haku is a horrible rivergod. Not only that, but though he sexually assaults Chihiro and nearly kills Haku, she's beginning to like him in that way, if you know what I mean.
Other Annoying Traits: He "reeks" arrogance and sophistication, kisses Chihiro every time he sees her, sucks up to Zeniba, and in spite of being the evil twin is focused on more than Chihiro or Haku.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

But you're a dirty mean god-clone!Collapse )

The writer does have some command of actual description, I'll give them that - albeit description used in disturbing (and unintentionally hilarious) romance novels involving vampires and young maidens who fight the vampire's advances (and then give in anyway, the wusses), amidst some notably clumsy grammar at points. What the hell am I saying: the description is cliché to the point of humor.

Add in some Michelle Branch song lyrics randomly, screw with canon without explaining other than through woefully pathetic exposition, and we've got a winner! A winner for extensive sporkage, that is.

Sporks to the ready!

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 4/6

10 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

I can't even string my hatred for this fic together. [25 Jan 2004|10:50am]
[ mood | enraged ]

Added Summary to the first set of information, as it's worthwhile information. Painful, but worthwhile.

Story Or Series Title: A Game of Soldiers
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Tsunami pheonix
Summary: Chihiro's BACK! with a new name, a new attidude and a promise to seek out. she's BACK! she's BAD! she's a li'l bit PISSED! and her latest job is the best one of all - TORMENTING HAKU! (Saddest thing is that the summary has the best spelling and grammar in the entire thing.)

Full Name (plus titles if any): Cassiopaea Storm, the mercenary formerly known as Sen, the bathhouse worker formerly known as Chihiro Ogino.
Full Species(es): Punkass/"Hardcore" Sue Chihiro
Hair Color (include adjectives): "...[h]er long, chesnut hair was pulled in a high ponytail on top of her haid..."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "...Amber eyes..."
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None described
Special Possessions (if any): "Stylish" clothing that is described in needless detail, and her own possé of Mary Sue friends.

Annoying Origin: For unexplained reasons she was in the quote unquote Shadowlands for years, wherein she grew tough, mean, and hateful towards Haku. Yeah, I'm bashing my head into the wall, too.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: She's supposed to be Chihiro, but she has no remote connection to the actual character; for God's sake, she even has a Mary Sue name now.
Annoying Special Abilities: To warp Yubaba into an über-genki cheerleader-esque woman who greets 'Sen' lovingly and to screw irreversibly with canon, and to make Haku act like Scott "Anal-Retentive" Summers.
Other Annoying Traits: The author is attempting to make her character 'canon' when in fact she's tossed in a Mary Sue of her own creation and called it Chihiro/Sen/Whatever.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

If I never see bad angst again...Collapse )

And lyke these r my bestest frends in teh worl?Collapse )

In the immortal words of many a Sue reporter at deleterius: I shit you not.

That is an actual fanfic at FFN. It has 25 reviews, the entirety of which are in praise for it; the two that offer any constructive criticism still praise Tsunami pheonix for her daring and new direction with this character. One, Chihiro was pretty damn cool in the movie canon; two, this "daring and new direction" has been plaguing Hermione Granger for years.

This is the worst fanfic I have read period in the past year. The grammar, spelling, tone, sentence structure, characterization, plot, and the canon are all butchered beyond recognition or nonexistent.

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 6/6 - congratulations, Tsunami pheonix, your fic is the first fully Godawful Fanfic here. I even considered raising the rating to 7/7, just for you.

Note to potcsues, if you're out there - don't know if you've already covered this, but she also has one hideous PotC Mary Sue here.

*sporks self*

8 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

Maylo...Mayo...Mayonnaise? [24 Jan 2004|11:04am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Weatherman said it would snow - I see no snow outside. Jerk.

Story Or Series Title: Illousa's Dragon
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Sakura-Maylo-G
Summary: It's been 5 years since Chihiro as been to the Spirit world. Now she heads back with her best friend Maylo. But when they get there, Haku is going crazy! Can Chihiro stop him? Or will Illousa win in the end? CHAPTER 9 UP! CHAPTER 10 COMING SOON!

Full Name (plus titles if any): Maylo (note author's name, then please question whether Maylo is, in fact, a Japanese name and not a poorly spelled condiment)
Full Species(es): Bestest Fwiend!Sue (with "enigmatic" powers to boot!)
Hair Color (include adjectives): "...long black hair was in a low ponytail and when it caught the sunlight it looked like it was a deep purple..."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "...bright blue eyes..." [as of chapter nine, they are "...golden with cat like slits..."]
Unusual Markings/Colorations: As of chapter nine, "...[s]mall cat ears (except they looked like InuYasha's ears) sat on the top of her head..." As well as claws, and enough description to make it obvious the author's ripping off directly from Inuyasha.
Special Possessions (if any): A blue backpack with a dolphins-and-ocean pattern. Oh, and a ninja suit. Why, I do not know. Because itz teh r0xorz!!!11! I presume.

(I want to know why, exactly, the Mary Sues/Gary Stus get more physical description than the actual canonical characters. If Chihiro is older, as is Haku, then how precisely have they changed, as opposed to the multitude of paragraphs detailing Maylo-the-condiment's every wardrobe change?)

Annoying Origin: She's a priestess who trains with her grandfather and is also apparently a demon/assassin of some sort. Has many issues stemming from the fact that she accidentally locked a pregnant woman in a butcher's freezer and the infant died. ...Words fail me.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: She's Chihiro's bestest friend in the WHOLE world, and the only person who believes Chihiro's tale about the spirit world!
Annoying Special Abilities: Can pick any and every lock they come across, is an amazing martial artist, is in perfect physical shape, and knows everything.
Other Annoying Traits: She's the source of character angst in the story and is all but admitted as being the story's main character.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Bad exposition, convenience, and ways to open a door that are somewhat funny.Collapse )

OMG teh angst!Collapse )

For those smart enough not to read this fic, Cassie herself is a minor Sue - she's a bratty child in love with Haku who makes Chihiro's life miserable; but never fear! Maylo chastises her! The biggest strike against this fic is that it's both incomprehensible and practically stars the Sue. *sporks*

Haven't been this irritated since DC cancelled Young Justice.

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 5/6

Somebody out there, kill this. Please.

14 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

My eyes hurt like HELL. [23 Jan 2004|05:29pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

Apologies for any nastiness in this review; I've been reading far too much badfic today. Today's "official" Sue report can be found here.

Jailbait Gary Stu, anyone? Good Lord, I didn't even know Haku yaoi existed until soraphilia suggested this abomination to decent writing. It has already been covered here by the esteemable Irony-chan, which is why this one will not be linked to Mary

Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I have two Sue/Stu reports up in one day? Because it won't happen again. ><

Story Or Series Title: Forbidden Love
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Lisa.W
Summary: When Chihiro dies she sends her son to the Spirit world so Haku can take care of Matt. What if Matt starts to have feelings for Haku, and what if Haku feels the same but can't because of the rules. Yaoi

Full Name (plus titles if any): Yamato "Matt" Green. That's...one sad Japanese name right there.
Full Species(es): Stuius offspringius
Hair Color (include adjectives): Black. And apparently he's a pale, pale boy, which leads me to have all sorts of horribly amusing thoughts about The Matrix. Why? Because I'm off-topic.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "...stormy blue eyes..." As opposed to a quiet tide, I'm sure.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None. But I'm sure if you shaved his head you'd find a suspicious 666 number there.
Special Possessions (if any): If the author had continued, Haku's body. Fortunately, she did not. Also possesses a medallion with a picture of dragon Haku and Yubaba inside; somehow, I think the proper term is a 'locket.'

Annoying Origin: Assuming he is not, in fact, demon spawn, he is the son of Chihiro and some random man whose name is never given. Apparently he is now an orphan as the ghost of his mother informs him his dad will be kicking the bucket soon. Aw. *sporks*
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: The son of Chihiro, who does everything his mother did.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to make my brain feckin' hurt, that's what. Also the uncanny ability to remind everyone of Chihiro, including Haku which, hey, is only slightly creepy. It's only the son of Haku's ONE TRUE LOVE. Not that I'm angry.
Other Annoying Traits: He basically only exists to provide hot gay sex for the writer's pleasure. (Direct quote from her profile: Haku/Any guy. That's the Spirited Away couple she supports, as opposed to the canon one.)

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

In respect of his mother's memory, he goes off to shag her One True Love.Collapse )

Spork my eyes now, please. If you have any pity within you.Collapse )

There are so many violations of canon in this that it's not remotely excusable; everyone is out of character (especially Haku!) and Yamato/Matt/Yama/Whatever is just such the stereotypical wuff-me-I'm-pretty yaoi Stu. He literally only exists because the writer cannot stand the concept of Haku being a heterosexual male that - gasp! - was in love with a girl.

"OMG grlz hav cooties!"

No, but this fic certainly does.

Then, of course, there is the horrid sentence structure, including run-on sentences, unintentionally hilarious typos, and grammatical errors left and right.

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 5/6 - would be 6/6, but she never finished. I'm actually relieved at this point.

Special Bonus: the Greatest Review Ever Given to Anything.Collapse )

God bless you, The Blackened Rose. *salutes*

4 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

Only minor note of relief? Supposedly she's eighteen. Still a horrible read. [23 Jan 2004|12:47pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

This is either incredibly bad characterization or an astoundingly awful Stu. Scratch that - it's just hideous.

Story Or Series Title: Spirited Back
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: ecco-of-slytherin
Summary: Chichiro has a lonely life...until she follows her heart back to Haku...who's drunk -

Full Name (plus titles if any): Kohakugawa, but that's canon. I prefer 'Gary Stu masquerading as Haku,' but hey, that's just me. Bleedin' imposter.
Full Species(es): Drunken Sex Fiend!Haku. No, I'm not kidding.
Hair Color (include adjectives): "the same hair as well" (or, canon: blue/grey)
Eye Color (include adjectives): None described (canon: green)
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Scars on his back (omgtheangst!)
Special Possessions (if any): Apparently large amounts of sake.

Annoying Origin: Beer night at the local bath-house! Well, no, but that's the only thing I can come up with that will keep me from crying.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Somehow manages to seduce Chihiro, even though he's both imbibed and filthy.
Annoying Special Abilities: To get drunk while running Yubaba's bath-house (the hell?), breaking glass bottles, passing out on Chihiro, and seducing her the next morning.
Other Annoying Traits: The utter ruining of all I love aside, he's also slightly creepy, in that "what the hell did you do with Haku?" way.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

There are no words to describe the badness.Collapse )

And that's not even getting into the reviews, all of which are fawning and "rite more soon!!1!" in drift (including a rather ironic review saying the lemon in chapter four was good).

Please, ecco, don't write more soon - save the children.

Chihiro is oddly OOC and Sue-ish in this fanfic as well, not that I'm terribly surprised. Also note that the writer couldn't decide between using 'Lin' or 'Rin.' It literally changes in the middle of a paragraph. The exposition is horrible as well - it all but has the frog-men (who apparently speak in a collective voice now) start with, "As you may know, Chihiro..."

It hurts.

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 5/6

11 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

Suicide as a blatant plot device? Urgh. [22 Jan 2004|09:18pm]
[ mood | angry ]

I was planning on saving this for tomorrow, but after actually reading it in its entirety, there was no way I was going to let it torture me as I slept.

Story Or Series Title: Four Memories
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Pazu the Magician
Summary: Rating for suicide, nothing more. Besides the blood in the first scene, this whole fic is PG. It's a new style of Spirited Away fic, not the old "Chihiro Returns" fic.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Chihiro "No One Loves Me" Ogino.
Full Species(es): Suicidal!Chihiro
Hair Color (include adjectives): None described (canon: brown)
Eye Color (include adjectives): None described (canon: black)
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Instantaneous scarring on the inside of her foot, the back of her leg, her wrist, and her neck.
Special Possessions (if any): Her father's razor and, one would predict, Haku's tender loving heart.

Annoying Origin: Chihiro doesn't belong in the human world anymore! This is blatantly exposed in the first sentence and without any character information or explanation as to why, Chihiro attempts to kill herself.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: She's a suicidal, angst-ridden version of Chihiro desperate to return to the spirit world, because no one understands her - you can smell the Sue coming a mile away.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can apparently regenerate lethal amounts of lost blood and grow 'old' scar tissue in minutes.
Other Annoying Traits: It's Chihiro. Committing suicide. How much you want to bet Haku shows up and saves her from the depths of horrible depression?

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

If the mirror is coated in blood, as is the floor, the sink, and her body, then how exactly is she still ALIVE?Collapse )

7 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

Hullabaloo! [22 Jan 2004|03:27pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

Been attempting to locate an Older Sister/Goth!Sue in the Spirited Away section at FFN that I particularly loathe, but this less than mediocre one will do for a first report.

Story Or Series Title: One and Only
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: soul
Summary: story entirely different from the movie. yubaba was chihiro's mother, and she wants chihiro to marry a rich guy who was 11 years older than her. Chihiro was reluctant , so WHO will save her from this marriage???

Full Name (plus titles if any): Purportedly Chihiro Ogino, but I have my doubts. In the fic, she's called Sen in the first chapter, and then Chihiro throughout the rest. Considering she's Yubaba's child in this, I think we're observing poor story planning.
Full Species(es): AU Angst!Chihiro
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not described (canon: brown)
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not described (canon: black)
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None
Special Possessions (if any): Remarkably, none - as of April 15, 2003, thankfully when this was last updated.

Annoying Origin: Yubaba's abused daughter to be given away in marriage so as to pad Yubaba's pockets. Oddly enough, Yubaba pampers both Rin (who is also her daughter in this bizarre AU) and Boh, but not Chihiro. Sue needs character angst, after all.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Yubaba's daughter, raise your eyebrow if you will. Claims to be Chihiro - but is, in fact, not.
Annoying Special Abilities: Other than to angst and sigh in pathetic, weepy melodrama? No, seriously, it reads like a bad soap opera.
Other Annoying Traits: Her life is such a horrid, horrid mess and everybody hates her. All this and she violates canon!

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

No wire hangers, EVER!Collapse )

Not half as blindingly terrible as some of the stuff out there, just incomprehensible. Yubaba spoils Boh rotten and never showed any urge to actually abuse anyone, so why would she abuse her AU daughter? Secondly, I'm wondering where Haku is; he should be apprenticed to Yubaba, but I'm assuming it has something to do with whatever the plot was supposed to be. Thirdly, it's simply just a mess, both grammatically (which I will be lenient with, as English isn't her first language) and canonically.

Unsurprisingly, she also has an Elrond/Mary Sue fanfic under her name.

Godawful Fanfic Rating: 3/6

18 hours| how many hours spent cleaning?

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